


Love is Blind

by Lispet



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, M/M, Mentions of War, hospital au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 20:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1441345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lispet/pseuds/Lispet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Tell me what's out the window."<br/>Levi has taken to sitting on the bed rather than in the chair, with his legs crossed and leaning against Erwin's undamaged leg. Levi's weight shifts slightly. Erwin presumes he's just looked up. Erwin wonders what colour his eyes are. "The sky." Levi says bluntly. "A couple of trees. Oh look a bird."<br/>"We're not on the first floor, are we?" He had gone in an elevator, but for all he knows, it could've been down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is Blind

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit this is the schmoopiest thing I've ever written.  
> I'm a gazillion percent sorry this is total trash and isn't really angsty, it's just kinda sad.

They give him a folded flag, some medals, a certificate, and a bit of money each month, and then he's on his own. He finds himself in a rehabilitation facility for his injuries, surrounded by trauma patients and civilians, none of whom particularly care for him. 

He takes it slowly, stays in his room most of the time. He doesn't really have the energy to walk around a lot, despite his physical fitness. He tries not to think too much, listens to the wails of pain from some of the other patients, and obediently takes medication when they want him too. The facility is a little bit short staffed and so he doesn't always have a nurse on hand. It's a good thing his bed's reasonably comfortable. 

It's even better that his room is void of nonessential furniture. 

His bandages are changed every two days like clockwork for weeks. He swallows down two little pills, and half an hour later the bandages are being peeled away, revealing putrid flesh and bone. It hurts a lot, but not as much as it could, and he's thankful for that. It's a different nurse who does this each day, and sometimes he wishes that they would stay for a little longer and talk to him. He doesn't even know what colour the pills he swallows are. He likes to think they're white, crisp and clean like the sheets he sleeps under undoubtedly are. The sheets have to be changed when the bandages are, which means he is not healing properly, he's still bleeding. Perhaps that's why the bandages are changed so often. The nurses tell him very little, only that "it smells a little better today, don't you think Mr Smith?" He always just nods and murmurs assent through a croaky throat, even if he thinks otherwise. They're just saying that to put him at ease. He has done the same for the soldiers he once commanded. _Don't worry,_ he'd tell them, _you're going to be fine, the chopper isn't far off. You're doing great, just keep pressure on that cut._ It didn't matter that he was lying. Only that it kept them calm. 

He does not fully understand why they lie to him. 

There is a change in staffing one day, after four weeks, and he's finally given a nurse who will take care of him. The nurse's name is Levi, and he is deft and silent the first time he takes the bandages off what's left of Erwin's arm. 

"Oi, that looks like shit, you know?" Levi says once the wound is bare. "I hope your face isn't this fucked up, because that would be nasty." 

Erwin feels his bottom lip crack open when he pulls his dry lips apart, and sweeps his tongue over the cut. Copper sings in his mouth like melt. He tries to speak but nothing comes out. 

"What, you dumb as well as blind?" 

Erwin shakes his head. "No." His voice is sandpaper in Dolby, and he swallows painfully. 

Levi sniffs loudly. "Fuckin' stinks too. Are you on antibiotics?" 

"No." Erwin repeats. Perhaps Levi was right about the dumb statement. "Just morphine." 

"I'm going to get you some antibiotics. Now hold tight, just gonna put this back on." 

Blood drips down his chin, staining his progressively growing stubble. 

~~{---}~~ 

"Here." Levi's words are like a book to the skull, to his left. He turns his head and holds his palm out. There is the familiar rattle of a pill bottle and he counts the pills as the fall onto his skin. Four, now. He tips his head back and drops them down his maw, swallowing them dry. Levi holds a straw to his lip. 

He coughs and splutters when he drinks too fast. Levi says nothing, and takes the water away. He can hear the faint clunk when the glass is put down. Levi settles on the bed beside Erwin's leg. The bed doesn't dip much. He thumbs the creases in the sheets with care, smoothing them out. The fabric is becoming rougher each day. 

"What do you usually do?" Levi's voice comes out of the blue. Erwin flinches. 

"Pardon?" 

"Y'know, during the day." 

Erwin doesn't speak. 

"Well doesn't that sound like a merry old time? So you eat in here and everything?" He feels Levi fidget with the covers, tweaking them straight. "What happens when you need to take a shit?" 

Erwin's lip cracks, and he barks out a laugh. His throat aches desperately, and he coughs. It doesn't help. "I get up, you little punk." 

"Get up then." 

"Now?" 

Levi hops off the bed, and his shoes scuff flatly against the lino floor. "Yes _now_." Levi walks across the room and moves some stuff around. 

Erwin folds the sheets down so they're at his knees, and slips his legs out, the right one first. He's slow to his feet, careful not to jostle any of his bandages or his shoulder. His cheek itches. He doesn't touch it. He holds his arm out cautiously, and takes a step forward. His feet burn, but the cold lino is nice. He starts when Levi's fingers brush against his forearm, lightly as first, but then firm. He doesn't tell Levi to give him warning, because Levi doesn't seem the type to heed the words of others. Levi steers him firmly and briskly away from the bed. 

Levi is tiny, his shoulder bumps against Erwin's bicep every so often, and his steps are quick and short. The hand guiding him is delicate. Erwin follows him obediently, and he can hear other people wandering around the halls too, and occasionally the squeak of rubber wheels on lino. 

Levi halts abruptly and Erwin nearly runs into him. He feels someone breeze past him. 

"Where are we going?" He asks when Levi tugs him along. 

"Bathroom, you stink." Levi turns them right, and stops again, this time to open a door. He is thrust inside and Levi shuts the door and locks it with a rattle. It's the same kind of rattle as the locks on public toilets. Levi lets him go, and he doesn't move, too afraid of hurting himself. Levi runs a shower. He edges towards it. "Oh walk properly. There's nothing there." 

Erwin tastes copper and hesitantly walks towards Levi. 

"Stop there." Erwin obeys, and he can feel a mist of cold water on his toes. He stands there until the cold mist turns warm. "What are you waiting for?" Levi snaps. The pitter-patter of the water becomes thicker. "Sure I'm your nurse but I ain't undressing you." 

Erwin's numb fingers scrabble at the drawstrings of his hospital issued trackies. He kicks them behind him, and slips his fingers under the waistband of his underwear. They follow his pants. "What about-" he gestures at his bandages. 

Levi's fingers are wet against his chest, and Erwin stoops slightly to make it easier for him. "Should be ok. Might sting a bit though." Levi tosses the bandages aside. "Looks less like shit. There's no bone visible now." Levi's fingers brush against his cheek, but then fall away. "I'm leaving them on, I don't know if that would be alright." Levi takes his arm and pulls him forwards. "Keep your head out of the water." 

Levi is very careful not to get any soap anywhere near his arm, and nearly as careful not to jostle his shoulder, but still insists on scrubbing Erwin from neck to foot with a reverence that borders on violent. After a few minutes, and Levi's furiously scrubbing at Erwin's sternum, Erwin reaches up and catches his wrist. 

"I think that's enough." 

"You'll get sick if you're not clean properly." Levi says. It sounds like he's directly under the spray of water. "You're not strong enough to fight pathogens and then you'll die." Erwin pries the sponge from Levi's hand. 

"I doubt there's anything left there. Dress my arm and face properly, I think that's more important." 

Levi snatches the sponge back and turns the shower off. A towel hits Erwin right in chest and he catches it just before it falls. He dries himself, not sure what to do about his arm, but Levi comes back, fully dressed, and pats it dry as gently as he's ever been with another towel. Erwin hisses, but the morphine takes the brunt of the pain. It hurts less to let him bandage it. 

Levi shoves a shirt in his hand once he's dressed. "We can't have you walking around like that." He says, a touch more colourfully than the normal monotone of his voice. "Someone might jump you. Get the wrong idea and all that." Erwin smiles and presses the shirt into his face. It smells clean. Not the bleach clean of a hospital, but the warm, flowery scented clean of home. He hums happily and his beard catches against the fabric. 

"You are so fucking weird." Levi says in resignation. 

The shirt is miles too big and whilst it's a surprise, it's also appreciated greatly, because he can keep his arm inside the shirt without stretching the fabric. He holds onto the back of Levi's shirt like a small child following his parent on the way back. Levi walks slower too, and doesn't change direction or speed rapidly. Erwin thinks he's being considerate, or is trying to be. 

Levi leaves him by his bed and is back shortly after Erwin groans his way under the covers. 

"Hungry?" Levi gives him no option and puts the tray on his lap. "It's about 7, so I thought some food would go well." Erwin's stomach suddenly decides to remind him of its existence. Loudly. 

Erwin feels the tray, what food there is, slowly. He's put his fingers in hot soup before. It's altogether not a very nice experience. 

Eating is slow going with one hand, and sometimes it's all but impossible. Especially when he lost his dominant hand. Peas, he discovers, are terrible vegetables. Sausages are great, as is jelly and soup and potatoes of any kind. But for all the food they could bring him, he doesn't eat much. He fills quickly and by the time he's hungry again his food's cold or soggy and he doesn't much feel like eating it. 

"Don't you have more to do with your life than hang around an old cripple?" Erwin asks. He knew it was roughly dinnertime, but dinner is usually about five thirty. He didn't know it was this late. 

Levi laughs like there's a joke he should be in on and maybe there is. "Tell me, birdbrain, what's your impression of me?" 

Erwin finds mashed potatoes, broccoli, carrots and a piece of steak on his plate. He wipes his fingers on a paper napkin. He mulls on what Levi has asked of him. It's a difficult ask, considering he's only known Levi for three days now. "I think you are a person who has been pressured to become something you really don't want to become, you are short tempered and callous but you are well aware of this. You are used to people disassociating themselves from you because the way you speak and treat them puts them off. But you have put up with a remarkable amount from me, so I think that a lot of this is a front to hide how you feel." Erwin shrugs when Levi doesn't say anything. "But I am just a crotchety old blind man with no family or friends and one arm, so I guess you can take what I say and think with a grain of salt." 

"You're not that old." Levi mumbles. Erwin snorts and shoves some potatoes in his mouth. 

~~{---}~~ 

"Tell me what's out the window." 

Levi has taken to sitting on the bed rather than in the chair, with his legs crossed and leaning against Erwin's undamaged leg. Levi's weight shifts slightly. Erwin presumes he's just looked up. Erwin wonders what colour his eyes are. "The sky." Levi says bluntly. "A couple of trees. Oh look a bird." 

"We're not on the first floor, are we?" He had gone in an elevator, but for all he knows, it could've been down. 

"The third. I'm surprised there are trees this tall around here." 

"Could you look out properly and tell me?" 

"Well I could, but." Levi makes no effort to move. 

"Please?" 

Levi gets up. 

There's a garden outside, grass and rose hedges and white gravel paths twisting through it like glistening snakes. There is a fountain in the middle that has a naked lady spitting water out of her fingertips. There are also a few old people out there, and a cat that, according to Levi, belongs to the facility to comfort people who have left pets behind. 

~~{---}~~ 

Levi is sitting in his usual spot, on the end of Erwin's bed, possibly reading the newspaper, or doing the crossword, when Erwin hears the door creak open. Levi shifts so violently to see who's coming in the door that Erwin's amazed that he doesn't fall off the bed. 

"Who are you? There are no visitors scheduled." Levi barks aggressively. Erwin brings his knee up in a faux-rub along Levi's spine. Levi leans against him a little more firmly, and Erwin turns his head towards the door. 

"Levi, please." Erwin hates hearing Levi when he's distressed in any sense of the word. It ruins his voice. Levi hops off the bed and Erwin wants his weight back. 

"Sorry," a man laughs easily, "we've been kicked out of the wrong room three times. The lady at the desk didn't give very good directions." 

Erwin could swear black and blue that this voice is familiar. "Hi, sorry- I can't-" he gestures wildly to his face. Levi touches his stomach and he doesn't flinch. Levi is between him and the door. Erwin feels his mouth became a hard line. "Levi, really?" Levi sits stubbornly. 

"I'm looking for Erwin, room 337?" 

"That's me." Erwin subtly knees Levi in the spine. He's just acting like a self-entitled brat now. "I swear I know your voice, but I can't remember where from." 

"It's Mike and Hanji, we just got-" 

"Erwin?" Hanji cries. Mike makes a sound like he's been winded, and someone has thrown themself on him. He curses when his shoulder screams at him. "Oh thank god you're ok, we were so worried but we still had two months on tour! We only just got back yesterday!" Erwin pats Hanji on the back awkwardly and then pushes her off gently. She moves quickly away. "You're not very nice." She sounds offended. 

"You should be careful." Levi sounds set to throw a fit. "Erwin's shoulder can't withstand such weight yet." Erwin hears Levi mumble 'shithead' under his breath, and he can't stop himself from grinning a little. 

"Mike, come here." He holds his arm out, and when he feels Mike's wrist, pulls him in for a proper hug. Mike holds his weight on the bed, not Erwin, and Erwin squashes his face against Mike's neck, "I missed you so much, man." 

"You gave us a good scare, you did. Sorry my dog didn't pick the mine up." Mike grabs his head and kisses him bodily on the mouth. 

Erwin lets Mike go. "It was home ground, we weren't expecting it. I'm just glad you guys made it home safe." The conversation flows. Mike is a very hands on person, he does a lot of stuff like that. 

"Well I lost a finger." Hanji says brightly. 

Erwin doesn't quite know what to say, and neither does anyone else apparently. 

"So, all that aside, you smell pretty good for a guy who got half his body burnt off." Mike sounds teasing. "Perhaps a little less raw." 

"Half my body is a little bit of an exaggeration. My legs are pretty good, surprisingly." Erwin fidgets with the covers of his bed, feeling that they're not quite straight or heavy enough. "Levi's really helped me though. I wasn't doing too well until he was assigned to me." 

"Levi?" Hanji asks. "Is he the guy who left five minutes ago?" 

Erwin’s stomach roils in a way it hasn’t for weeks. No wonder his bed feels wrong. "Yes, he's probably giving us some privacy." That's a bald-faced lie, but neither Hanji nor Mike notice. Levi refuses point blank to leave under any circumstances, to the point where occasionally Erwin will wake with numb legs and an oversized cat at the source. "You should make yourselves comfortable, or we could go out into the garden." 

"Outside, I think. You look like you could use some sunlight." 

Erwin heaves a fake sigh and swings his legs out of the bed. They chatter about useless things, about mundane life. They're both having trouble adjusting to day-to-day life, after many months of tension and fear. Erwin can sympathise far better than most, and he doesn't tell them how for a few weeks he had nightmares of them being blown to high hell by an undetonated landmine. In one respect, they are getting better, because there is no longer anyone being killed, and Mike and 

Hanji are safe in them, but worse in others, because there is a small faceless man in combat fatigues, and he knows it's Levi, and he desperately wants to order him away, send him somewhere safe, but nowhere is safe, not really. Every time he tries, Levi laughs in his face and tells him to get with the program, old man. Levi is alarmingly polite in his dreams. It sits badly somehow. 

Hanji and Mike walk at an excruciatingly slow pace, considering he's used to Levi's brisk, unforgiving, half-trot, and they are careful to guide him around, when normally Levi just lets him crack his hips and toes against door frames and things. He says nothing, but that doesn’t mean he’s OK with it. Mike has his arm most of the time, and they match nearly shoulder to shoulder. It's easier when Hanji steers him, because she is shorter, but no less alien. He wants Levi back. 

He feels distant from his friends. Sure he can still comfortably talk to them, and he's so, so happy to do so, but it feels wrong to not be ridiculed every five seconds. 

They leave him in his room well into the afternoon, as they have other people they need to visit, like their parents and siblings, and he can't tell if Levi is there or not, because he is frighteningly quiet, and the door was left open. 

So he waits. 

Levi will come back when he wants to, but Erwin’s a little hungry, and the warmth is receding from the foot of his bed, so the sun is setting. Erwin didn’t get to have lunch amidst catching up with Hanji and Mike. He suddenly realises how much he has relied on Levi as of late, mostly for company, a little bit for essentials like meals and changing his bandages, and finally for his voice. Levi keeps him talking, keeps his mind active, and, Erwin tries not to admit that his voice, and how it carries his multifaceted personality with thinly veiled contempt, is one of his favourite things about Levi. It truly is a beautiful sound, although that could be a Pavlov's dog thing. He may have associated Levi's voice with food and entertainment so he likes it. 

He hopes, desperately, that this isn't true. He quite likes Levi. 

He doesn't get any pain medication that night, or any food, and he manages, just, to fall into a fitful sleep. 

He dreams that he is again, in combat. He is neither surprised nor worried. Mike is there with his German Shepherd, rifle at his hip, and Hanji has hers in grip. Levi is laughing as they walk, what about is unclear. He sees something shiny in the dirt at his feet, stops to look at it. No one else does. 

There are no details, it's just a shiny thing, and he tries to scoop it up and up and up, but it slips through his fingers like sand. All he has achieved is getting left behind. The shine leads in a thin thread through the dirt, and his eyes dart along its length until they come to rest on a misshapen mound. He doesn't need to be closer to know what it is. He tries to shout out, to call Levi and Mike and Hanji back, but his lips are cracked to bleeding, and it's thick and hot on his tongue, worming down his throat until he's choking and gasping for air, blood seeping into the crevices in his lungs. He reaches out to touch the shine one more time, and the world becomes shattered, rent in two. 

Levi is no longer laughing. 

He jerks awake painfully, sitting up quick enough to make his head spin. His chest thunders, unbidden. He draws in deep lungfuls of air to settle it, and wipes the blood from the crack in his lip away with his thumb. His beard scratches against his skin angrily. He wipes the blood onto his bandages. It is not until he feels that there is a deep weight on his legs, sharp joints digging into the meat of his thighs, and knows it can be no one but Levi, lying across his lap, asleep, that he breathes a sigh of relief and sinks back to sleep. 

His dream is quieter this time; Levi walks him briskly through an eerie, pristine hospital. They don't meet anyone; Levi just tugs him along towards some unknown goal. He's quite okay with it. 

Levi is still asleep when he wakes again. But he can hear the chortling of birds, and the sunlight that must stream through a window is hot on his skin, so it's morning. His stomach and bladder shift uncomfortably. He reaches down and gently shakes Levi's shoulder. Levi snaps awake and moves away. A chair clatters against the floor. Erwin gets up and holds his arm out until Levi grabs his wrist. 

He says nothing at all, eating in silence once they get back from the bathroom, save for a quiet thanks. He's determined to wait Levi out, but it seems like he will wait a long time. Once his breakfast tray is taken away. Levi puts his head back on Erwin's knees and doesn't shift. With nothing else to do, he finds his fingers sifting through Levi's hair. His head tilts into the palm of his hand firmly. Levi's hair is shaved on the underside, like his own is supposed to be. It’s getting a bit long, he has to admit. The rest of it is long enough to bury his hand in, but no more than that. He scratches and rubs Levi's scalp, cautiously at first but then properly when Levi responds positively. 

He stays like that for a long while, carding through Levi's hair, feeling it prickle and shift under his skin, his head resting on the wall behind his bed. They must stay there for hours. Or long enough at least for Erwin to listen to Levi's breathing even out and slow to more of a sleep pattern, feels the jackrabbit of his heart slow to a gentle thrum. The noises outside grow louder, someone mowing the lawn, children laughing, and the gentle chatter of the other people in the rehabilitation facility throughout the halls. 

Levi eventually wakes again, sitting up slowly. Erwin's hand slides off his head and falls onto his shoulder. He grasps firmly and drags Levi over. He's very light, and slides across his legs without a struggle. "Don't do that." Erwin tells him. "Don't leave." 

Levi pushes himself away abruptly. "What, you want that honour for yourself?" He spits. Erwin swallows. He doesn't want Levi to stop being around, no matter the cause. Levi must take the action the wrong way because he jerks right out of reach. "I fucking knew it. Everyone always wants to-" 

"Levi," Erwin says, cutting him off sharply. "Sit back down." Levi does, surprisingly. "I don't want you to leave. I like you quite a bit, actually." Levi still feels prickly, and he's sitting as stiff as a board on the bed. Erwin rubs his knee along his spine like he always does, but also reaches out and puts his hand on the closest part of Levi. 

"Thanks." Levi says dryly. They sit. Erwin puts a little pressure on Levi's knee, pulling him towards Erwin. Slowly, Levi comes. When he is close enough, Erwin puts his hand on the back of his neck, and works his fingers through the tense knots of muscle until Levi is pliant and willing to talk again. "I found a box of checkers in the cupboard. Do you wanna have a go?" 

"How will I tell which are mine and which are yours?" He's always had a good memory and has always been a brilliant strategist, so he hopes he'll be able to play. 

"I'll stick some blu-tack on yours." 

"Okay then." 

It's not as hard as he thought it'd be. He has to make his moves slowly so he doesn't make a mistake, feeling each piece he jumps over carefully, and he ends up winning, but only just. 

"Shit you're good at this." Levi says, sweeping the pieces back into their box. "Perhaps chess next." 

Erwin likes the sound of that. 

~~{---}~~ 

"Nanaba died." Mike says one day, states it as a fact that he should already know; Albany is the capital of New York, and the moon orbits the earth orbits the sun. Erwin doesn't really comprehend it, in the way that people just absorb facts, vaguely uncaring because they already knew. Erwin hasn't spoken to or heard from Nanaba at all, so he suspected as much. 

He doesn't say anything about it until later that night when Levi is changing his bandages, and he says; "Nanaba died." 

Levi finishes stretching the butterfly clip across the tail end of the bandage before replying. "Who's Nanaba?" Levi says. He sounds bored, as if he doesn’t care. Erwin wants to hate him for it. 

He means to answer, he really does, but nothing comes out. He can't swallow, and coughs to clear his throat. He finds himself sobbing violently instead, scarcely able to breathe, and Levi puts his hands on the back of Erwin's head and puts it to his chest. He feels something damp drip onto his cheek. 

"I'm crying, why am- how am I crying?" Levi pushes his head back and tilts his chin up. 

"You're bleeding." Levi's fingers pluck at the bandages deftly, and his head is free. His eyes hurt a lot, stinging nearly as badly as the original injury did. "I think your tear ducts are too badly damaged, so when they try to cry they bleed instead." Levi's thumbs gently wipe the trails of blood off his skin, and he doesn't say a word about how unhygienic it is. He just puts Erwin's head back on his chest and holds him there. Erwin's pretty sure he's stained Levi's shirt, but nothing is said about that either. 

~~{---}~~ 

"Levi," they have progressed to chess. It's a set carved out of stone and wood, so the pieces feel different in Erwin's hand. The granite knight in his fingers is cold and heavy. He pushes a rook aside and takes the warmer, lighter wooden figure away, placing it beside the board in the growing graveyard. He rests his chin on his palm and listens to the whisper of fabric when Levi makes his move. His beard scratches his skin. It’s uncomfortable and foreign. 

"Check." 

Erwin smiles. Levi is very predictable, however brilliant he is at chess. He's rash and young. "I'm finding it less and less bearable to have a beard." 

"But you don't want to risk cutting yourself." 

Erwin feels slowly for the right pawn. He knocks a rook over accidentally, and rights it. Levi grabs his hand and moves the rook back to the right spot for him. His fingers close around the pawn he wanted, and he shifts it. "That sounds right." 

Levi hisses angrily. Erwin's grin widens. "How the hell do you do that?" 

Erwin shrugs. It hurts less and less to do so. "So shaving." Erwin brings the topic back. 

"I'll see what I can do." 

Levi procures an electric razor within an hour, and takes the utmost care to bring Erwin's cheeks and chin back to normal. Erwin rubs his fingers all over his face and smiles broadly. "Thank you." He says in earnest. He sweeps his tongue over his lip to catch the blood from his cracked lip, but there is none there. 

~~{---}~~ 

Levi now spends more nights sleeping on Erwin's legs than he does elsewhere. He's become used to it, and no one really questions it. Erwin falls asleep and wakes with his fingers in Levi's hair, comforted by it. His nightmares become less frequent as he heals, and he can't express how happy he is about it. "You're really big." Levi remarks one day. It's getting warmer, so Erwin sits on top of the blankets once Levi's made the bed. Levi's hand slides from his knee down his calf as he sits up. 

"Maybe you're really little." Erwin teases. Levi's hand closes around his foot, and his thumb rubs a line across the sole. He pulls the sock off and puts it down. 

"Maybe you're really stupid." Levi suggests, his thumb rubbing over the nail of his big toe. 

"Maybe, but I keep beating you at chess so what does that say?" He forces his foot still, fighting the reflex to twitch. "What are you doing?" 

"Investigating." There is room to spare when the tips of Levi's fingers pry between his toes, bending them this way and that. He rubs sock fluff away, and Erwin wriggles his toes to stop the tickles. 

"It's a foot, Levi." 

"It's your foot, Erwin." He puts the heel of his palm in the arch of Erwin's foot, and his hand is too small to encompass the sole of his foot. "Your nails need trimming." 

"Trim them then." 

~~{---}~~ 

They take the chess games to more public areas, because apparently Levi should be getting him to socialise with the other patients. Levi knows well enough that Erwin won't tolerate fools gladly, and Levi isn't much better. 

People stare when they first emerge, Levi says. Erwin wouldn't know any better except Levi is always as stiff as wood as they make their way across the cafeteria. Erwin sets the board up, and Levi gets food. It's chicken and mayonnaise sandwiches today. Erwin wrinkles his nose, but the bread isn't dry or warm so it's not all bad. 

He checkmates Levi within a hundred moves. 

They play more chess out of his room, sometimes people stay and watch the blind man play, other times; they are as good as invisible. Those are good days. 

~~{---}~~ 

When they aren't playing games, or talking, Levi sits with him and reads, his fingers rattling the pages he is yet to read, making them snap against each other. Levi probably isn't aware of what he's doing. It's vaguely endearing, and betrays Levi's restless interior. 

"What are you reading?" 

Levi puts effort into reading out loud, rising and falling with the timbre of the characters. It's quite a surprise what a vocal range he has when he calls upon it. Levi's voice falters after a few minutes, and he stops. 

"Will you keep reading for me?" 

"You missed the start of the book." Levi's voice snaps back to normal, and the difference is jarring. 

"I've read it before." Erwin assures, even though he hasn't. 

"Very well." Levi continues. 

~~{---}~~ 

The electric razor dies one day, giving one last, vague shudder in Levi's hand before falling silent. "Fuck." Levi puts it down and unplugs it. "Well it's not too surprising, I guess, the fuckin' thing's old as balls." 

Erwin snorts and feels what Levi has left to do, and there's a lot. "Are there any other razors?" 

"Well yeah, but I don't know how to use non-electric ones. Not all of us were shaving before the invention of the stupid things." 

"Go get one; it's not that hard. I'm sure we can figure it out." Before being discharged, Erwin personally used an electric razor. It was a lot quicker, but he has used other kinds too. It's not that difficult. 

The only other razor Levi can find is an ancient cutthroat razor. It's so sharp the Levi accidentally cuts the side of his finger opening it. "I don't think this is a good idea." 

"Nonsense." Erwin reaches out and adjusts Levi's grip on the blade. "You go in the same direction as the hair, and hold the blade like this against the skin." Levi's about as pliant as a rod of steel, reluctant to put the knife anywhere near Erwin's face, but Erwin forces him to yield. "Go slow, and keep the blade clean. You'll need a towel." 

Levi flicks his nose with a finger, and places the flat of the blade against his cheekbone. "You sure about this? I'm sure I can find something else." 

"Levi, I trust that you won't slit my throat, and I'm sure I'll survive a few nicks." 

It's not his best shave, but there is no blood. Levi will get better with time. 

~~{---}~~ 

Erwin allows Levi to scrub him still, in the shower, even though he's certain he can do it himself. He counts each pass of the brush with Levi, the short quick strokes that are routine and power in Levi's eyes. Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten, pause, eleventwelvethirteenfourfivesixseveneightninetwenty. In turn he takes the brush to Levi's back, not scrubbing with the fury Levi takes to task, but still thoroughly, in long passes up and down his spine, across his shoulder blades and rib cage, until Levi is content with the job he has done. 

Levi tells him each time that he doesn't need to count along, it's just a stupid habit, but Erwin understands. He's had soldiers with OCD before. Their habits are necessary, just as it is necessary for Erwin to understand this and make it easier for Levi. 

~~{---}~~ 

Mike deigns to play chess with Erwin one day, and Erwin has Levi sit next to him to show him how to slow down and strategise, whispering back and forth until Levi understands what Erwin means and they make a move. Mike jests with Levi, teasing him openly, and Levi returns his jibes with terse insults. The first time it had happened, a few weeks ago, Mike had been quite offended, until Erwin put his chin on Mike’s shoulder and told him that that was how Levi showed affection for people he tolerated. Levi is quite creative, and Erwin laughs when Levi refers to Hanji as "that brown liquid often found half frozen at the bottom of a refrigerator", just as Mike sniggers in turn. Hanji doesn't seem to have noticed. She's too busy talking to another patient, contributing to the ceaseless rabble of the lunchroom. Erwin puts his hand on the bench by his hip, accidentally brushing Levi's waist on the way past. Levi stiffens and sucks in a breath past his teeth. Erwin can hear the low whistle. Mike is silent in his appraisal of the board, and Erwin suspects he will be for a while. Erwin calculates the risk and puts his hand slowly and deliberately on Levi's waist. He can feel muscle jump under his palm. Wood clacks against the board with finality as Mike decides what to do. Erwin leans down to confer with Levi. 

"He put his bishop on E2." Levi murmurs, his voice reflecting his tense body. 

Erwin considers the information for a moment, his thumb catching Levi's shirt as he rubs it over his side. "I think we should move the pawn ahead to block it there for now." 

"I think you're being incredibly creepy right now." 

"So that's a yes on the pawn?" Erwin doesn't want to move the pawn himself, because whilst he'd easily be able to put his hand back where it is, that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to move it in the first place. 

Erwin moves his hand with Levi when he leans forth to move the pawn. When Levi sits back, Erwin's hand rides up his ribs, dragging his shirt along. Erwin lets the shirt down and brings his hand higher. He can feel Levi's chest expanding and contracting rapidly, and his heart thundering along with it. From there, Levi's hair is familiar, and the shape of his head is comforting and right, filling his palm just so. 

Erwin is so careful not to move too quickly or in the wrong direction. Levi is so small, he feels like a china doll in his hand, too easy to break if precaution is not taken. Levi's neck fits into his palm even better, and Erwin's hand is so large that is covers all of Levi's throat without him having to stretch to manage. Levi's throat bobs under his palm, but he shifts so as to better accommodate Erwin, so he's not too distressed. His fingers creep up slowly, feeling the shape of Levi's chin, (it's slightly pointed), and onto his cheeks. His cheekbones are high, running seamlessly to his brow, which seems to be set in a permascowl, and Erwin smooths it out with his thumb like he smooths wrinkles out of his sheets. Levi's skin is much softer than his sheets. His eyebrows are fine, at a counterpoint to the thick bushes his eyebrows used to be. He is ever so gentle when he thumbs across Levi's eyelashes, and they flutter shut in permission, so Erwin traces the shape of Levi's eyes. His nose is thin and pointed like his chin, curving in the middle in a shape that his thumbprint fits perfectly into. He runs a line right down Levi's nose, over the septum and settles it right over the centre of Levi's lips. They feel thin, and they part slightly to let hot air wash over his skin. Levi's teeth catch on the tip of his thumb and then the nail, and his tongue presses wetly to the pad of his thumb. It's a steady, deliberate movement, giving Erwin plenty of time to pull away if he wanted to. 

It's Erwin's turn to swallow heavily, and he can feel as well as hear Levi draw in breath through his nose. Erwin's thumb is in his mouth up to the knuckle, so he presses down on Levi's tongue, whilst his fingers press up into the soft underside of his jaw. He can feel Levi's jaw tensing with the effort not to move, and Erwin surges forward, using his own hand as a marker, and kisses Levi messily. Levi grabs him by the upper arms and kisses back wholeheartedly. Something crashes to the floor loudly, and Erwin can't bring himself to really care all that much. Levi is far more interesting, and he can't think of a time when he wasn't. 

After not long enough, Levi draws back, and Erwin chases him unabashedly. 

"Wow that took you guys long enough." Mike sounds unimpressed. "Oi Hanji, you seeing this?" 

"Go suck a dick, Zacharias." Levi says. Erwin tries to kiss him again, catching the corner of his mouth. 

Hanji laughs. "Hey Levi you know you're gonna have trouble sucking Erwin's-" Levi vanishes from Erwin's immediate presence and Hanji's voice becomes suspiciously muffled after that, but he does catch "hung like a horse" from her. 

~~{---}~~ 

Levi is oddly clinical whilst changing Erwin's bandages that night, silent and aloof in a way he hasn't been for weeks. Erwin's arm is getting to the stage where bandages aren't necessary during the day, but the skin is too fragile to go without protection during the night when he might roll on it, but his face is going a lot slower. Levi has told him that his body is probably trying to repair the eyeball matter, so it's frequently becoming too damp to heal properly. Erwin's grateful for the bandages either way, as he's certain that he would receive many more stares if he wandered around with a bloody, raw wound instead of eyes. 

"Levi." Once Levi had finished, Erwin addresses the issue at hand. 

Clearly, Levi had the same idea, for at the same moment, he declares that they need to talk. Those words don't sit comfortably in Erwin's stomach, they always precede bad news. 

"Very well," Erwin figures Levi needs to talk first, and he suspects it'll be about the same thing anyway. 

"We shouldn't do this, well whatever that was in the cafeteria." 

Erwin suspected as much. "Is it because you are afraid of the consequences, or because you aren't attracted to me?" 

Levi doesn't say a thing. It's an answer enough for Erwin. 

"Come here." Erwin holds his hand out for Levi until he takes it, and draws him in until Levi kneels up on the bed, swinging one leg over Erwin's hips so he's got Erwin boxed in. Levi hardly weighs anything on his legs, and his hands weigh even less on his face. Erwin's hand is far heavier where it sits on his hip. "How old are you?" 

"Twenty seven." 

"What consequences are you afraid of, then?" 

Levi snorts. "I could lose my job for fraternising with a patient," he kisses Erwin lightly, "just," and again, "like," another, "this." Levi actually bites his lip that time, not very hard, but enough to sting a little. "Also my dad's a massive homophobe and he told me that he'd cut me out of the inheritance if I ever dated another guy again." 

"Your dad's a massive jerk." Erwin smiles. It's not as bad as he thought. "What's your opinion of me leaving rehab?" 

"You'd starve in a week." Levi is delightfully blunt. 

"I would, wouldn't I? Mayhaps I would need someone who cares about me very much to help me not starve." 

"Who even says 'mayhaps' any more? It's a dumbarse word never say it again." 

Erwin smiles and it's set. 

~~{---}~~ 

He taps his lip for a kiss just before Levi lets them into his apartment.


End file.
